‘Tis The Season

We know that there are seasons in our lives. Mainly, we do not think of them beyond Spring, Summer, Winter, and Fall. Yet, now, I feel that we have arrived at the season of grieving.

Ecclesiastes 3 says: There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

A right time for birth and another for death,

A right time to plant and another to reap,

A right time to kill and another to heal,

A right time to destroy and another to construct,

A right time to cry and another to laugh,

A right time to lament and another to cheer,

A right time to make love and another to abstain,

A right time to embrace and another to part,

A right time to search and another to count your losses,

A right time to hold on and another to let go,

A right time to rip out and another to mend,

A right time to shut up and another to speak up,

A right time to love and another to hate,

A right time to wage war and another to make peace. (verses 1-8, MSG)

 

I find that there is a definite heaviness to all that is happening in our world right now. The massacre in Orlando, the shooting death of a family in New Mexico by the father, the shooting death of The Voice singer, the death of the 2 year old…and the politics that are swarming in and callously pushing their agendas. Where is the compassion and the empathy? The thing is that no one even pretends to care anymore.

Social media has placed us in a place of cold distance, a place to be a bully and to be abusive, to call names and to gossip. I am ashamed to admit that it still hurts me deeply that a family member called me a bigot. I can be a strong force for what I believe, yet the emotional, mental, and verbal abuse is not needed. I never said you have to agree with me. It would be great to feel loved, though.

We see an amazing outreach online, as well. Times of compassion and genuine love. I think that is the only reason that the internet and social media can still be as popular as it is. The Bible tells us that a soul can survive when a body is sick, but no body can survive a broken soul. That is so true.

I have wept a great deal of late. I have thought about the loss experienced by so many, the fear that takes hold of hearts and minds, the trauma that comes in the aftermath, the healing, the struggle…yet, life. Seasons. Why are we in a season of grieving?

Truly, America and most churches have left the Word of God and have begun to do whatever feels good in the moment. While we’ve allowed sin to prosper and grow without concern, we are seeing two extremes: the love and accept everything mantra and the hate-filled and anti-Christ screaming. In between, however, are the ones that are trying, trying so desperately, to live love and speak truth.

Our hearts are heavy, our minds are plagued, our souls are wounded, and the world continues to spiral into ungodliness. We actually expect this because God’s Word tells us this is the way it must go as we draw nearer and nearer to the return of Christ.

But in the end, does it really make a difference what anyone does? I’ve had a good look at what God has given us to do—busywork, mostly. True, God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time—but he’s left us in the dark, so we can never know what God is up to, whether he’s coming or going. I’ve decided that there’s nothing better to do than go ahead and have a good time and get the most we can out of life. That’s it—eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It’s God’s gift. (Ecclesiastes 3:9-13, MSG)

Solomon reached a place where he despaired of life. Why? Because he had it all! He was wise and wealthy beyond measure. He was feared and adored. He was king and he had royalty from other lands coming to him for guidance and bringing gifts to him. He built the Temple of the Lord. He had many wives and hundreds of concubines. He had peace and victory. Yet, his soul was in turmoil. Why? Because he wasn’t focused on God anymore. He had turned his attention to the temporal pleasures of this world and the above portion of Scripture shows the depth of despair that filled his heart.

This world is seductive and the devil wants nothing more than for us to live in the dredges of morality so that we are bound by shame and sin and temptation. 2 Timothy 3:1-9 says, “Don’t be naive. There are difficult times ahead. As the end approaches, people are going to be self-absorbed, money-hungry, self-promoting, stuck-up, profane, contemptuous of parents, crude, coarse, dog-eat-dog, unbending, slanderers, impulsively wild, savage, cynical, treacherous, ruthless, bloated windbags, addicted to lust, and allergic to God. They’ll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they’re animals. Stay clear of these people. These are the kind of people who smooth-talk themselves into the homes of unstable and needy women and take advantage of them; women who, depressed by their sinfulness, take up with every new religious fad that calls itself “truth.” They get exploited every time and never really learn. These men are like those old Egyptian frauds Jannes and Jambres, who challenged Moses. They were rejects from the faith, twisted in their thinking, defying truth itself. But nothing will come of these latest impostors. Everyone will see through them, just as people saw through that Egyptian hoax.” (MSG)

Essentially, and more powerfully, we are living in a world that is “holding to a form of [outward] godliness (religion), although they have denied its power [for their conduct nullifies their claim of faith].” (AMP, verse 5) This is what we’re seeing lived out this very day. And it’s getting worse.

Matt Walsh wrote a blog that encouraged Christians to stand. Even in the midst of all that goes on, we need to stand. We don’t need to stand the way that Westboro Baptist Church chooses to stand, by attacking anyone and everyone, but rather we need to stand as Christ stood, declaring God’s truth, living with joy, and being obedient to the Word of God. We need to stand for what we believe and live for what we believe.

It is far easier to just shrug our shoulders and go with the flow. Even dead fish flow downstream. People may wonder why it matters so much, and the reason is simple and sound: eternity. It matters because it isn’t just the here and now…it’s forever. It’s eternal. There is much more at stake than feelings and temptations. We are talking about the soul that lives on forever…either in the presence of God or eternally separated from Him.

Consider that we have never, ever experienced a day without feeling the presence of God. He is everywhere. He is all around us. He is in us and flows through us. There has never been a day when He has abandoned us. We have no concept of the torture we would face on the other side of this life, when we are truly separated from God and His presence since we rejected His one and only Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus felt this separation for us on the Cross, when He cried out, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” In that moment, He felt the true separation from God because in that moment, He took our sin and penalty upon Himself. All at once, He felt the separation that sin creates between unholy people and a holy God. Even with this, I don’t believe that He experienced the ultimate separation that those who die in their sins ultimately feel.

God is calling us to turn from our wicked ways and repent. We cannot expect the nation to do so. The sign of the times are glaringly obvious. Yet, we must do so as the Bride of Christ, as the church, as followers of Christ. We must set aside our approved of sins and align our lives under God, bringing our flesh under control, and presenting our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to Him (Romans 12).

“I’ve also concluded that whatever God does, that’s the way it’s going to be, always. No addition, no subtraction. God’s done it and that’s it. That’s so we’ll quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear. Whatever was, is. Whatever will be, is. That’s how it always is with God.” (Ecclesiastes 3:14-15, MSG)

 

Friends

For about 6 months, Holy Spirit has brought me back to this subject over and over again. Even today, as I thought about it again, I thought about David and Jonathan and how their friendship was so unique. Even thinking about Ruth and Naomi, who changed the typical mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship into something so moving and powerful. Whenever I think of friends and friendship, I’m always trying to figure out why this is such a difficult thing in the lives of believers. I think, in part, it is due to our not really understanding what friendship is and knowing what we truly want in our relationships. Here is what I have discovered today.

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I was thinking yesterday, for reasons untold, that I have never been able to be accepted into the pastoral inner-circle at any of the three churches I’ve attended in my young life. No matter how hard I’d try, I was just never good enough (in their eyes) to be accepted. At least, that’s how I looked at it.

Yesterday, though, I saw it a little differently and realized that my singleness is a hindrance in this area, and for good reason. I don’t hold it against the pastor or his wife of any of the churches I’ve attended. I just realized that there couldn’t be a strong friendship there because I don’t have a spouse.

Now, before people get all up in arms and say it doesn’t matter, I’m going to state that it does. There is a verse in the Bible that says that we shouldn’t even have a hint of immorality in our lives. Not even a hint. (ref. Ephesians 5:3). So, a single gal spending a great deal of time with a pastor in a friendly way, well, that would definitely offer that hint and we all must be concerned about how we appear to others, because we are the representatives of Christ. That matters, though many in this day and age would willingly and gladly spend time alone with a person of the opposite sex and not give it a second thought. My calling of radical purity changes everything for me. That’s just the way it is.

So, I would protect myself and my pastor and his wife from any appearance of immorality by not being overly friendly or attempting to become closer to them without the reciprocal spouse to go golfing with the guys. I hope this makes sense. I feel like I’m rambling. But, stay tuned.

I posted a query on a Christian forum and chatted with a few folks. However, today, as I was reading one response, she was stating how she couldn’t find things to talk about with other women in the church. At one point, she mentioned the topic of talking about God, and how that isn’t really of interest in the church, and it was then that it hit me.

See, it isn’t so much that I need to be rubbing shoulders of the leader of our church, his wife, the worship team and all the inner-circle hierarchy that exists in churches, but rather it’s that I crave a form of friendship that is not offered. I just isn’t.

Because many consider that focusing on God all the time is too much focus on God. And that is what I desire to do.

Many years ago, I’d guess about 6 or so, I went on this amazing spiritual journey. It pains me to think about it because I let it go. But, I learned that there was a difference between loving Christ and being in love with Him…and that difference changes everything! At this time, God strategically brought five of us young gals together, 5 women that would never be friends in a million years. The youngest was a senior in high school, the eldest was around 33 or so at the time, I believe. One was married, one had been married, two had children, and two of us had none of these things. Yet, there we were, on fire for Christ in a way that, looking back, blows my mind.

What did we do? We became consumed with Him. And because of that, we had amazing friendships, amazing fellowship and powerful worship. The revelations I received at that time, including the first official calling to purity as my ministry, were staggering. We would literally meet after work each day to pray and worship together before we’d go to church to pray. At the time, our church met every single day, except for Mondays and Saturdays. We five met with an older woman on Monday nights, growing and delving and discovering some amazing things.

The world, of course, took its toll and compromise set in and marriage died and was reborn again and sin was returned and things crumbled and attitudes changed and jealousy set in and pride overtook compassion and life became a struggle and people became too busy and relationships began dying…because Christ wasn’t first, you understand? Our glue, the very foundation of our unlikely friendships, was Christ. The minute we changed our focus and became more social than spiritual, our lives imploded.

Betrayals came and loss and tears and relationships shattered beyond repair. Darkness encroached and fear settled in and dread took over and spiritual abuse became apparent. The move of Holy Spirit was stopped and judgments were made and worship was stifled and hearts were broken and one day I just couldn’t walk through those doors any more. I didn’t have the strength within me to step through those doors, even though I’d purposely left my Bible and notebook there so I’d have to return. Even that pull wasn’t strong enough.

It was over and it was done and an e-mail arrived late that night where I was called a liar and my heart was shattered and I lost everything I had built since I was 15 years old…all gone, all lost, a couple of weeks shy of turning 30. Yup. It was a dark time.

Later, since I won’t go into details of the shunning and such, I was uninvited from a wedding a day before it was to take place and the shattering of my soul was complete. Without realizing it, I became very cynical and after a couple of years, my pastor at the time, Pastor Carl, told me that I had to realize that God didn’t betray me, and I had to release the ladies from judgment. So I did. I’m still healing. There’s still the self-preservation wall erected. My worship is still stifled. I still have no deep friendships. But, I love Christ and I will heal.

That, folks, is the background and is more than I’ve ever shared online regarding this. So, now to the point.

Today, upon reading about how people in churches want that social friendship, not the spiritual, I had a revelation. My idea of friendships is what I once had, the coming together to worship and share and pray and grow and read God’s word. Yes, we still went out and did random photo shoots and yes, we went to the mall and dinner and celebrated each other’s birthdays with relish and fun, but the majority of our time was spent reading God’s word, offering spiritual encouragement and advice, worshiping, growing, praying…falling in love with Christ.

I keep thinking how I don’t need others to have that deep relationship with Christ again, and this is true, yet God never intended for us to run this race alone. He never intended for us to be friendless and frustrated and feeling out of joint and misplaced in the very church family He has called together. Yet, that is how I feel…and it’s not anyone’s fault. That is the truth of the matter.

How does one find a kindred heart in a world of superficial greetings and hellos? I wouldn’t even know how to begin. You must understand that the dynamic that formed the other friendship was so spiritual. We had no hand in it. It was Christ calling together a few young ladies to meet with a group of passionate young ladies from Yuma, AZ, to learn that there was more to Christianity than rules and church, that it truly is a relationship with the Lover of your soul. How was I even added to that group? I still don’t even know! Two of the women were sisters whose mom was best friends with the pastor and his wife for years and years and years. One of the others was the “adoptive” daughter of a couple that were also best friends with the pastor and his wife. The third young lady was best friends with one of the sisters. I had no ties to any of them.

How did God get the attention of the pastor and his wife to have me be blessed with that opportunity to taste what true friendship should be…so long as Christ was the center? I can’t even imagine. In fact, I never really thought of it until I was writing this blog just now. How did I get the chance to have my life forever changed?

For, you see, I can’t settle for less. All my worship now feel void and empty, but I can’t seem to return to that place of abandon when it comes to worshiping Him. Friendship is something I don’t even really pursue anymore. I guess I just don’t want to take the chance of getting hurt. Yet, the few friendships I have had, haven’t been as spiritually focused as my soul craves and, once again, I say that this isn’t their fault. It’s mine.

Because what I want and desire in the realm of relationships is so godly focused that it isn’t truly natural in the scheme of things, it isn’t what many seek out in friendships.

What does this have to do with the pastor and pastor’s wife friendship thing? Simply this: one would assume that that friendship would be more spiritual than social. And that is why I desire it more than others do, I think, because I crave that growth and revelation and worship and closeness that only Christ-focused friendship can bring.

And this is the revelation Christ gave to me today…now I await Holy Spirit to show me the next step, because revelations aren’t merely for clarity, but for action, and I must say, I’m looking forward to where Christ is leading me.

You say…

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Proverbs 18:21

I think we forget this most of the time.

I was thinking about wisdom today. Yes, many of us have that Christian wisdom in areas where others are lacking it and yes, it is God’s delight that we share that wisdom. Yet, how are we sharing it?

I have been thinking about this lately, mainly due to the recent visit I made to the ER. I’ve been having issues with my right leg for a few months. At one point, I thought I had a blood clot and I went to the ER and had lots of tests run. Recently, I found a small “ball” in my leg, midway up my shin, and so I went to the ER again and was completely and totally disregarded. The ER doctor spoke down to me, treated me like I was incapable of logical thought, and couldn’t even guess at what the ball was and frankly didn’t care that she had no clue what it was. Thousands of dollars paid by insurance and a copay out of my own pocket just to feel like a fool. Yeah. It bothered me.

How differently that day would have gone, how much more peace would have been offered, had I been treated like a human being, treated like I mattered, not like I was wasting the doctor’s time. Yet, that is how it felt. Like I was wasting her time.

Today, I saw a response on Facebook to a conversation I was having with another person. The minute I read it, I thought, “Ah, not the best way to approach this.” The response was firm and resolute, insistent that the person was seeking something out of God’s will and timing, and the responder alluded to the fact that they knew this to be true with 100% surety. As expected, the OP responded that they believed they could handle their own situation…leaving it unsaid that the person’s input was not needed. The door was shut, at that point, for the responder to speak into that person’s situation with any wisdom.

Why? Because the words were sharp and authoritative, were posted publically and weren’t very helpful. When one is looking at a situation and feeling the bleakness of it, what right do we have to slap their faces with “reality”? I get that we must keep our loved ones grounded so they don’t fly off into some crazy cloud city full of unicorns and pots of gold, but crushing dreams outright is never a good thing.

It has happened to me often and I no longer have dreams. I just don’t. Trapped, listless and unsure, I walk forward in a fog of wonder, thinking that there is truly nothing to reach for. And that is where the ones being constantly corrected and crushed end up: dreamless.

Now, I do not presume to judge the responder. I just know how I would have responded if someone had posted that on my page, though I would have said it in my mind and found a non-committal response to post online. Yet, the response, much as the OPs response was, would have been fully intending to never allow that person to speak to me regarding my dreams and desires. Ever.

I don’t know what it is that made us forget the value of words and the value of kindness. It’s almost like we think we can slap people out of funks and stubborn, insistent dreams with words of fire. Yet, consider that when Christ speaks to us, when He pulls us from darkness and fantasy, it is always so kind, always so purposed, and never hateful. He makes you feel like the reason the dream is just a fantasy is because what He has for you is far better than anything you could attempt to achieve without Him. And He’s right. And maybe we can’t make others feel that way exactly, because we cannot say for sure what God has for them, but we can be kind in our directing, because we know that He has something for them, something greater than this world could ever offer, and that, in and of itself, is something to celebrate.

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
Proverbs 16:24

I think that we look at the lives of others, at their pain and suffering and angst, as trivial. As much as we hate to admit it, we see their public display of frustration as whining and foolish. We think that our lives have far more problems than theirs do and therefore, they should just suck it up. I mean, I suck it up every day and deal with the mess I’m dealt! So should they.

But, should they? I’ve been hearing many folks say lately that God doesn’t care what clothes you wear and that He doesn’t need to be involved in every choice of your day, because He gives us free will and we are to make our choices (not sinful choices, mind, but like what to eat and wear and such). Yet, I daresay that if you involved Him in all your decisions, your life would change drastically.

And that is why we don’t do it!

When God gets involved, a lot of distractions and petty things fall away. If you truly asked God if you should or shouldn’t eat something, what do you think He’d say? Sometimes He would say yes and sometimes He would say no. If you asked Him if you should watch t.v. or not, what do you think He’d say? I daresay that He’d say no every single time. Why? Because you could be using that time to be with Him or to be with others or to be His hands and His feet. It just makes logical sense. What about reading? I daresay it depends on the content and the need of the moment. If there is a need He wants you to fulfill here on earth, reading is a no at that moment, but not a no a half hour before bed…unless there’s a prayer that needs to be said. These are the things that we think are trivial but, when you look closely, you see that God really and truly does care and does want to be involved.

When I see someone posting sad posts, posts of woe and angst, posts expressing the frustration they feel as they collide with the walls blocking their dreams, I firstly point them to Christ and His perfect timing, and then I am available to give some avenues of advice, kindly showing them ways they can look at things differently, yet remembering that God’s timing is perfect. Full circle. What I don’t do is tell them to stop forcing things, to stop dreaming, to stop believing, because it’s not God’s will.

Some have the discerning to really and truly know if God is saying to wait or to stop or to go in regards to others lives, yet, not all of us do and we must be very careful in assuming that opposition immediately means that it isn’t God’s will. We must be very careful telling others our beliefs over God’s truth. Does one pray and ask God if it is specifically His will at this time for the person? Not always. They just assume that since it is so difficult and such a place of frustration for the person, it surely can’t be God, and so they state so.

Yet, consider David. It was God’s will that David be king of Israel. God had David anointed as such long before David was known outside of his family. Yet, look at the opposition. Look at it and know that it was God’s will all along that David be king, yet if one looked from the outside, they would have told him he was foolish to believe in such a thing. Yet, Jonathan knew that David was called and supported him, even when David had to flee for his life before King Saul.

Consider Joseph. Dreams told him that his brothers and father would bow to him. Look at the opposition he faced, from his own family regarding his dreams, from his brothers as he was sold into slavery, from his employer as the man’s wife attempted to seduce him, from the prisoners he helped realize the truth of their own dreams. Looking from the outside, Joseph had no chance at greatness. Yet, it was God’s will for him to save Israel and his own family. It just took awhile for it to happen.

God’s timing isn’t like our timing and His ways are not like our ways. Consider Isaiah 55:8: “For My thoughts are not Your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD.

We begin to think that we know what God wants in every single life. The one thing that we know for sure that He wants in every single life is that they choose Christ and be saved. The rest is between God and the individual. As I said, there are those that Christ will reveal things to so that they can speak wisdom and guidance into a situation, but don’t assume that because many people face a certain situation, that you know the outcome for each person to be the same thing. To some, God says to wait. To others, He says that He has something else in mind. And yet to others, He says to fight through the opposition and receive the growth and the dream at the other side.

God tells Jeremiah, “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (ref. Jeremiah 29:11) Notice that God knows. He doesn’t say, “I’ve told Frank down the hall my plans for you.” Nope. God knows.

Now, I’m not at all saying that we shouldn’t listen to others who give sound advice and godly wisdom. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t speak and sometimes even speak censure in regards to the dreams of man, yet we must be aware of our words. We can open up a door to speak that wisdom or close a door that leads the person to rush into something or force something that isn’t truly God’s will or plan for them.

How does one know? Well, one prays, that’s how. One seeks out God and His words and they don’t just offer up their canned and frustrated responses in order to rein the person in. It isn’t our job to rein them in. It’s our place to hear them and be empathetic and offer Biblical wisdom and advice. It is our place to pray for them and with them and to encourage and edify them. If they are running toward a sinful thing, then, yes, by all means, urgently seek to keep them from harm, but when it comes to non-sinful dreams and longings and desires, don’t crush the tender soul, but seek ways to be encouraging and helpful while guiding them to the patient place of waiting on God.

Because, more than teachers, we need friends and sometimes that what it all boils down to. Be my friend. Be my Jonathan. Help me see that my dreams, even if not reached this year or next, are not bad things and that one day I will see them come to fruition, in God’s timing and according to His will.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29

Purity and me

How do I feel right now? I don’t even know, truly. I consider many things whenever I even think of writing a blog, whether that writing will ever see the light of day online or not.

My pastor spoke about how we present our lives online with filters. How many times have I thought I was being fully honest in my blogs? In truth, it was a filtered version of honesty…and that’s okay. You don’t need to know everything about me, everything I’m feeling or thinking or wanting. So, to filter what you post is truly okay in that regard.

Yet, I feel this unsettled stirring in my soul and I can’t put my finger on why. I think of many things, such as my self-imposed isolation, my struggle to return to the place where I once was with Christ, the fight that is now required for true Christians to stand for the word of God and not back down, the feeling of not belonging and not fitting in at work or at church, the uncertainty about the future, the uncertainty about what I’m supposed to be doing and where I’m supposed to be doing it, the desire to break through the ceiling, yet refusing to do anything to bring that about, feeling trapped and, well, frankly, worthless.

So, I temper all these things with the filters, because the angst we feel in our souls isn’t often understood by others, so they either verbally slap you in the face in an attempt to snap you out of it or they attempt to pacify you with words that you’ve heard a thousand times before or they truly try to counsel you and end up talking more about their lives than helping you with yours, and that is just natural. When you look at the options, you consider the silence to be worth more than the expression of your feelings of loss and your struggle to be defined when you’re sitting back on you haunches instead of running full tilt toward all that God has for you to do.

Let me start by saying that I know what God has called me to. I am one of the ones that is blessed to know their gifts and their call with absolute surety. Yet, what comes out of that for me, is a strange unwillingness to step forward. Too many ideas circulate around me and I am surrounded by possibility and I just sit and stare. I don’t know where to begin, I don’t know what to do, I really don’t. It can be an overwhelming task, in truth, but it is also something I can’t escape. So, while I’m sitting there considering my options, I’m fully aware of the loss of time. I see Christians living impure lives on so many levels, from the inappropriate speech to the outright act of fornication or adultery, and yet, who am I that I could come and speak on radical purity, especially since the church rejects it outright and won’t even address purity, or lack thereof, from the pulpit?

It still haunts me to this day, when I spoke with a woman at my former church, a woman that I thought would be very receptive of the call God had for me…for all of us, in truth. A call to purity and holiness that surpasses the subpar standards of today’s believers, yet when I spoke of it, she simply stated, “Well, that’s nice for you,” and I just stared. She did, after all, have a teenage daughter. Wouldn’t she desire this for her own flesh and blood? Nope. It’s good for me.

Rewind a great deal further to the first time God called me to the realm of purity and His desire for us. I approached my pastor and said that I’d like to lead the women on a study of purity. His response? He wanted to call in a pastor’s wife for another state to do the study, which never happened, of course, because I wasn’t good enough to lead the study.

Yet, at that moment, it was birthed in me, though reasonably tempered by the response, and that desire that started so simply as a longing for women to realize that they all had purity struggles, even as adults, and that they all could be safe in discussing, growing and healing, turned into the ministry Radical Purity, God’s Way.

I consider many things to be a part of purity. I used to call the ministry Purity, God’s Way, yet God showed me that most churches believe they are living pure lives and by the standards they claim, the stand of purity He’s called me to is so extreme that it can only be called radical. One day, after receiving such responses as I have from believers, I asked God if I was going a touch too extreme. His response? “No amount of purity is as deep as the purity of Christ.” He was not saying that we shouldn’t try or care. He was letting me know that no matter how extreme His call may seem to others, it only touches the purity of Himself and Christ and Holy Spirit…and we are, in truth, called to be holy as God Himself is holy. And isn’t that the point, after all? Aren’t we called to be set apart from this world, to live a life that is markedly different from that of this world? Yet, how many times have we caved to popular opinion knowing fully well what God’s word says?

Last night, I saw another religion claiming Christ and accepting same-sex marriage and as I shared the news on my page, I was reminded that for the very same sin we excuse and accept under the cheaply used word ‘love’ is the same sin that caused Love to be nailed to a Cross and die. How is it that we could have run so far from the solid foundation of God’s word? Many fear to be viewed as intolerant or uncaring or bigoted (that’s the big one now) or radically Christian. Yet, consider that Jesus confronted sin every single day. Why, then, do we consider ourselves greater and excuse sin every single day?

I don’t have the answers. All that I know is that I am allowed and called to disagree with sinful things and to speak the truth. This doesn’t mean that I hate the person sinning. In truth, though many refuse to see it this way, to allow their sin to go unchecked and words unspoken is hating the person. Why? Because we are talking about eternity, forever, and where that person spends it.

We know that the Bible tells us that the wages of sin is death. We know that the Bible says that no one is holy, not a single person on this earth, and that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We know that priests would enter the Holy of Holies once a year with bells tied to their robes and a rope around their ankle, so that if they entered the presence of God with even a trace of unrepentant sin in their hearts, their dead bodies could be pulled out. Yet, we dare come before God in His perfection and righteousness and holiness with attitudes and sins and lies and plans and excuses on a daily basis, under the sloppy guise of grace. Some sins are so accepted now that they aren’t even considered sin anymore. Lying, for instance. We all do it. Whether it’s a lie about being busy when we’re not or a lie about stealing something, we all lie. Someone asks if we’re mad at them and we are fuming inside but we lie and say we’re not mad. Someone asks if we’re okay and because we don’t want to get into a big discussion about our state of mind or the state of our soul, we lie and say we’re fine. Gluttony is another sin that is no longer seen as a sin. We even have a holiday where gluttony is encouraged and expected! We have bad attitudes, ingratitude, manipulating others to bow to our ideas and whims, we steal time from employers, we gossip under the guise of seeking prayer and sometimes we don’t even hide the fact that we gossip, we overeat and laugh about it, we lie, we watch celebrities and lust after men or women on the silver screen, we envy the lives of the rich and on and on and on. The acceptable sins of the people of God.

I am guilty of many of these myself. Let’s be honest. It’s ingrained in us right now. The only thing keeping me from being the glutton I once was is the surgery I had a few years ago. But even then, the spirit of gluttony wages itself in the mind. There is a link to food and social life and boredom and emotions that cannot be tempered, because we’ve learned to stuff them with food or entertainment or distraction, any distraction we can find. Because we haven’t learned how to face and process emotions in a godly way, we have mental disorders to label those who can’t or refuse to face emotions in a healthy way. We excuse our lack of control and prescribe medications. I believe many mental illnesses are a demonic spirit, whether inhabiting the person or oppressing them, but the emotionally uncontrolled ones, such as bipolar disorder, are all due to the inability or unwillingness to take responsibility for the emotions one feels and take an healthy approach to acknowledge and process how they feel.

The Bible has the answers to everything. It really does. Yet, how many Christians don’t believe it does? How many excuse things, saying that they must experience something in order to be empathetic with others? We have seriously lost touch with our holy God and His infallible word.

So many Christian “experts” write books to encourage singles in the realm of dating and marriage. The current trend is to encourage Christians to date for the sake of dating. They say that you can learn who you are and what you truly want by dating and dating and dating. Just go on a few dates, they say, and if you don’t like the person, move on. Yeah, because it’s that easy to move on when you get into a dating relationship. We know from those around us that many keep moving forward in a relationship because they believe that something good will come of it eventually. They connect and attach and become sexually involved. Even sharing hugs, cuddles and kisses does things to the chemistry of the body and the mind even if things never reach the bed level. So, they encourage Christians to try on shoes until they find the right pair, to purchase lottery tickets until they win. Dating is not shoe shopping and is not a $5 lottery ticket. If that is all your spiritual and emotional wellbeing is worth to you, you must return to the source and discover the price paid for your soul.

Rejection, worry, anger, fear, jealousy…and so many other things, are tied to fickle dating relationships. Why would one ever encourage someone to date for the sake of dating? Why wouldn’t the advice be to wait on the Lord and listen to His voice and trust that He knows who and when and where and how? Why does being single cause such unrest and fear in the hearts of believers? They act as though being single is a curse, as though leaving this world a virgin is the worse possible thing ever. Consider that Jesus was single and a virgin. Our Savior lived life as a single man in a culture of marriage. Why do we think that we must marry or be worthless? Why do we think we must date or we’ll never know who we are? That is madness.

Singleness is the time to focus on Christ and to truly discover who you are. When you are alone, that is who you are. So, if you’re dating thinking that’s going to help you determine who you are, you’re wrong. You just are. Because, you’re going to adapt to the person you’re with. It’s the law of relationships. Give and take, compromise, the things that actually makes relationships work. Choosing to get out there and date everyone that is interested, even more than one at a time (and, yes, there is at least one Christian book that suggests that you date multiple people at the same time, because I’ve read it, so I’m sure there are many others, too) is only going to lead to trauma, stress and emotional loss. Rejection feels a great deal stronger when you set yourself (and others) up for it on a steady and constant basis.

Consider also that many believe the women should pursue and ask out the man. Many men and some women are creating churches full of Delilah’s instead of Ruth’s. And, even some insist that Ruth was the instigator in the relationship/courtship with Boaz, when we plainly see that he approached her many times before her mother-in-law instructed her on the custom of the day in a land which Ruth was a foreigner. Warping God’s word so that men can be pursued and women the pursuers is evil. Women are not meant to be aggressive and pursue.

Ironically, men who are willing to have women pursue them, are deadest against women speaking or preaching to men. Double minded foolishness that is rampant in our churches because people do not take the time to study God’s word, pray and seek wise counsel.

..

I’m going to stop this blog here, because I can go on forever. What is funny is that I had intended to use this blog to talk about all the things that I’m struggling with within myself, yet God brought me here, to the place of purity, where I’m supposed to be focusing my time and energy and study. As I was writing this blog, I felt the understanding that it was focusing on radical purity, which wasn’t the intent, and I thought, “Well, I know what I’m supposed to do. Just get with it and do it.”

Sometimes we need a jumpstart to remind us that we have something we’re supposed to do and any attempt to ignore it just leaves us frustrated and God will always, always, always bring the willing heart back to the call He has designed them for.

All glory to God, all praise and thanks to Jesus Christ, for the patience and love that surpasses understanding. Thank You, Holy Spirit, for the fire that never extinguishes in the soul that belongs to Christ. Selah!

Free to Truly Worship

Are we?

I’m not anymore and it’s a dark spot in my life, especially since it was such a journey for me to become free to truly worship all those years ago.

Today, as I stood in my church, I thought, “I do want to be free to worship.” I began to weep because I still held back, still held back, still held back. Then, Holy Spirit showed me some things.

First, He showed me that night when He was given complete freedom to minister and move through me. Ironically, that was the night that led to the breaking and undoing of all that God had done. That was the night that led to me crying in the darkness, shattered to pieces, crying out to God. “What do You want, God? What do You want?”

I know now what He wanted. He wanted to be allowed to flow freely through me as He was doing. He wanted me to respond as Nehemiah responded and refuse to come down off the wall because I was doing what God wanted me to do. He wanted the Pharisaical spirit to be confronted and broken. Yet, that is not what happened.

What happened was relationships shattered where they had already weakened and a church was demolished and a leader failed morally and I became very, very cynical and distant.

And the last thing hasn’t changed.

I am cynical and I am closed off. I don’t know if that will change anytime soon. Today, at church, I apologized to Christ because I hadn’t realized that it still hurt that much. It does, though.

I have refrained from giving any details of what happened over 5 years ago. I will still not revisit that time. However, I will talk about the things Holy Spirit showed me today.

First, He showed me that night in the time of women’s worship, the last night that Christ was allowed to have His way under that leadership, the last time I felt free to truly worship. As we stood there, worshiping God, Holy Spirit had a word that He spoke through me and He told me, “Do not open your eyes. The minute you open your eyes, it will no longer be Me speaking through you. It will be you speaking.” The whole time, I kept my eyes closed. I don’t even recall the words, because it wasn’t me. It was Christ. All I can remember is that it was regarding worship, because worship matters. We sang and prayed and praised and left.

Later, I was corrected by an older woman at the church. When I pointed out that what I had said was right along the lines of what our pastor had said, she realized that her judgment was based on her not liking me, not on anything that Holy Spirit had said that night. But, the damage was done. She and her best friend and my friend went to the pastor and said that we were doing ungodly things and he told his wife, who was one of the leaders, that we could no longer share. We could just come together and pray and that was it. So, it ended.

And I died inside.

I called out to Christ and said, “Didn’t I do everything You asked me to do? Didn’t I do it right? I tried. I tried so hard to do it right, to not be prideful, to share the leadership roles with strong women of faith. Why did this happen?” Later, I told the pastor’s wife, who was crushed by her husband’s choice, too, that I’d done everything right, and she said, “So did Jesus.” It was then that I realized a startling truth.

Though I know now that I was obeying God and doing His will, and though I may have been doing my best, Jesus really did do everything right. Every single thing. And they still betrayed Him, denied Him, and crucified Him. Why would I expect anything less?

I kept saying that I almost broke that night before the ultimate end of it all. I literally felt on the edge of madness. I have never felt that way. Not before and not since. It is hard to explain. It felt like my mind could have snapped and I could have gone insane. Literally insane. The only reason that didn’t happen is because I was crying out to Christ, not in judgment or accusation, but in desperate pleading.

Later, He showed me that I did, in fact, break and that He was the one who broke me. He showed me that He had to break me in order to heal me, He had to break me in order to deliver me from the mentality of that place. He had to rescue me before the true end of it all came.

I lost a lot when I left. I lost every connection of that church. I lost all that I had spent time building there since I was 15 years old. All of it. Gone a month before I turned 30. I lost everything, even my freedom in truly worshiping. And that is what I miss the most.

Later this morning, Holy Spirit showed me a time when the women were gathered together to be ministered to by a guest woman speaker. We were all praying and a woman was playing random music on the piano. The pastor’s wife couldn’t be there, so the woman wasn’t playing songs that we could sing. She was just playing music while we prayed. I was in my early twenties or so, I think, and I hadn’t been freed to worship yet. The church was still whole, it hadn’t split yet. I hadn’t learned that I was free to worship above a whisper, to sing above the music, to let my voice rise like incense. Suddenly, as I prayed, I heard God tell me to sing. Terror filled my soul. I, eventually, told my mom that God was telling me to sing and that I needed her help. She said that she’d help me sing. And, after some time of thinking my heart was going to burst out of my chest if I kept denying Holy Spirit, I opened my mouth and I sang.

This is the song God wanted me to sing:

After I was done, and some women had joined in, the woman returned to the nondescript playing. Later, I asked my mom if she could even understand me, since I was crying so hard and had my hands over my face. She said the singing was clear. God is amazing.

There was much that took place from that singing to the leading, and much that has been locked away because of fear. And, despite it all, I still don’t feel free. I know I will, though, because God is urgently calling me to worship Him freely again. I just have to return to the place where I freely worship Him when I am alone, so that I can be free, again, when I am not alone.

Because I need to worship Him with all that I am or I will never break through the ceiling and reach a new level.

Impurity among the purity

There is a Bible verse that states that to the one that is pure, all things are pure, yet to the one who is impure, all things are perverse (Titus 1:15). Some cannot understand this verse. To many, it justifies their impure acts, because they consider themselves pure in Christ. This is not what the verse means. Just as the marriage bed being undefiled doesn’t mean anything goes in marital intimacy. It just means that the married person is not fornicating when sleeping with their spouse. It isn’t a license to invite sexual perversions into your bed.

Back to the purity verse, though. The truth of the matter is that this verse is referring to a simple truth: if you are pure, you will not invent impurity.

Many of us know people that always bring uncomfortable perversions into everyday things. Someone makes a statement and BAM! Just like that, suddenly they wiggle their eyebrows suggestively and make a lewd comment and everyone either chuckles nervously or blushes.

We are living in a day when Christians often cross the boundary of purity and impurity without a second thought. It brings to mind the simple expression of Isaiah. “Woe to me!” I cried. “I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty.” (ref. Isaiah 6:5)

Will we come to a place where we will realize this truth of ourselves and those we walk among. Will we continue to find the lewdness in life more pleasing than the purity of Christ? Where does a Christian believer draw the line? Where does the Christian believer truly find themselves on the side they should be on, living the life they are called to live and how do they reach that place?

Christians are called to be angry, yet not sin (ref. Ephesians 4:26), to not allow themselves to take their wrath into their sleep and awaken with it on their lips.

Christians are called to refrain from gossip, slander, lewd talking and foul language (ref. Leviticus 19:16, Ephesians 4:29). How often do we excuse our gossip and language?

Christians are called to flee sexual immorality, and that means in all its forms, including voyeurism, adultery, lust, pornography, S&M, fornication, masturbation, bestiality, sodomy, homosexuality, pedophilia, etc. (ref. 1 Corinthians 6:18)

It amazes me when I consider that Jesus is returning for His bride (the church) and He’s coming very soon. Indeed, He stands on the very threshold, just waiting for God’s command to call us home. Yet, consider that He is returning for a pure bride and look at the lives of the church today. Just how pure are we?

Pure means that we are not mixed or adulterated with any other material, any other sinful compromise of this world. It means that we are willing and able to stand firm in the face of political correctness and idolatry, to stand tall when the rest of the world is kneeling, to say to those mockers and distracters, “I am building this wall, doing as God has said, and I cannot come down.”

Rather than excuse our lives and the compromises therein, we should be striving for a level of godliness that has never before been seen apart from Christ Himself. We should be passionate about the things of God and living the life that God has designed for us to live, a life that isn’t compromised by this world, but rather is set apart, shining brightly in the darkness that is ever growing around us.

Instead of inviting the darkness in under a guise of love, we should be loving enough to sharpen the countenances of our friends. Eternity is at stake. This isn’t about a moment in time, this is about forever, and we should be taking it that seriously.

Consider the words from Esther: You were born for a time such as this. And so we were! Consider what an honor it is to be here and now, in this place and time, born and designed to live in this very time, on the threshold of Christ’s return and we have been created for a purpose.

It is not the time to lay down the swords and rest. It is the time to keep the full armor of God on and fight. The war is not just for our own soul, but for the lost that surround us, lulled into a place of complacency based on the compromises of the bride of Christ. The Bridegroom is ready. Is the bride?

True Christians will not watch or read 50 Shades of Grey

Voyeurism is a sin, even though Hollywood tries to tell us it’s okay. MHC states, “And if we share with others in their sins, we must expect to share in their plagues.” Truth.

In 1995, a highly sexualized film, Kids, was released in theaters with a rating of NC-17. Rarely is such a rating given. This rating means that no one, absolutely NO ONE, under the age of 17 would be admitted, even if they are with their parents or legal guardians. R-rated movies are all at the parental discretion and I do not know if theaters even check the age of the ticket purchasers or guard the doors for those that would sneak in.

Fast forward 20 years and we have Fifty Shades of Grey and it is rated, not NC-17, no, but rather an R rating, based on “the MPAA designated the R rating based on “strong sexual content including dialogue, some unusual behavior and graphic nudity.”

Kids was “rated NC-17 for graphic sexuality and drug use involving teens, and a brutal beating.”

Graphic sexuality involving teens…graphic nudity and “unusual behavior”…call 50 Shades of Grey what it is: Pornography. No Christian WHATSOEVER, no person who claims any form of godliness, will watch this film. Period. There is no justification in any way, shape or form for a godly person to see this. Ephesians 5:3 (NIV), But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.

Matthew Henry Commentary: Filthy lusts must be rooted out. These sins must be dreaded and detested. Here are not only cautions against gross acts of sin, but against what some may make light of. But these things are so far from being profitable. that they pollute and poison the hearers. Our cheerfulness should show itself as becomes Christians, in what may tend to God’s glory. A covetous man makes a god of his money; places that hope, confidence, and delight, in worldly good, which should be in God only. Those who allow themselves, either in the lusts of the flesh or the love of the world, belong not to the kingdom of grace, nor shall they come to the kingdom of glory. When the vilest transgressors repent and believe the gospel, they become children of obedience, from whom God’s wrath is turned away. Dare we make light of that which brings down the wrath of God? Sinners, like men in the dark, are going they know not whither, and doing they know not what. But the grace of God wrought a mighty change in the souls of many. Walk as children of light, as having knowledge and holiness. These works of darkness are unfruitful, whatever profit they may boast; for they end in the destruction of the impenitent sinner. There are many ways of abetting, or taking part in the sins of others; by commendation, counsel, consent, or concealment. And if we share with others in their sins, we must expect to share in their plagues. If we do not reprove the sins of others, we have fellowship with them. A good man will be ashamed to speak of what many wicked men are not ashamed to do. We must have not only a sight and a knowledge that sin is sin, and in some measure shameful, but see it as a breach of God’s holy law. After the example of prophets and apostles, we should call on those asleep and dead in sin, to awake and arise, that Christ may give them light.

Yes, I am called by God…and so are you!

There are so many subjects for blogs racing around my mind lately. I consider the many different ways that I could exhibit my talent, or lack thereof, and I file many away for later. In fact, I’ve one written already, ready to go with minor edits necessary, but I do not feel that the timing is right for the subject matter.

Today, I wanted to write about at least three different topics, but the one that remains the strongest in my mind is regarding the calling of God on my life. This, at the moment, trumps all my other ones, such as rejection and self-worth, purity, mentorship, ministry, marriage, adoption, growth, weakness, sin and vice and so on and so forth.

The call of God on one’s life is expected and is promised. God has created each of us for a specific purpose. Now, whether or not we accept this or live it is an entirely different matter. However, one must understand and realize that there is a call of God on their life and that they are responsible for seeking Him in order to discover it.

Sometimes, God will reveal one’s call through another person speaking simple truth. One of the gifts that Holy Spirit placed in me was revealed to me by a woman I stayed with in Yuma, AZ during a time when myself and some other young women were being led in an amazing direction in our walk with God. So very long ago. That road is paved with joy and laughter, along with tears and sorrow, and, of course, memories both beautiful and painful. Yet, focusing on that one moment, her and I alone in her kitchen, and her simply stating, “You have the gift of teaching,” and feeling it pierce my soul with its truth.

Another gift was revealed that same trip, one that I knew of but denied, and that is the gift of leadership. This was not as startling as the teaching gift, but it was sealed through the words of a friend.

And yet another gift was revealed as I walked through CLF after speaking with a woman after church a few years ago. This was solely given to me by Holy Spirit. “You have the gift of edification,” That was startling to me as well.

In the call that God places on our lives, we are to use our gifts appropriately and correctly. So, along with knowing one’s call, it is important to know one’s gifts as well.

Working on a study for my Radical Purity, God’s Way ministry regarding the call of God on one’s life, I had planned on doing a study on David and Ruth. They were called by God and are included in the lineage of our Savior, Jesus Christ. However, frustration mounted as I couldn’t get the study to pan out appropriately. Finally, in a moment of absolute annoyance, I heard His still small voice, “You didn’t ask Me what I wanted you to do,”

I realized my error and said, “All right, what does it mean to be called by God?” I opened up His word and turned to Romans 12 and began to read. A few verses in, I heard His gentle response, “This is what it means to be called by God.”

Christians have a basic calling, outlined and explained throughout the word of God, and nicely summarized in Romans 12. The Message Translation summarizes that chapter with the simple heading Place Your Life Before God. That is what we are all called to do.

Romans 12:4-8 tells us about using our gifts and living out our calls in our place in the body, as a hand or arm or foot or eye. A fully functioning body for the Lord. “If you preach, just preach God’s Message, nothing else; if you help, just help, don’t take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don’t get bossy; if you’re put in charge, don’t manipulate; if you’re called to give aide to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don’t let yourself get irritated or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face.” (ref. Romans 12:6-8)

Though we each have our distinctive calls, this does not mean that we aren’t to help people in distress or work with those who are disadvantaged. Quite the contrary. Even one without the call of leader on their life can be put in charge of something. This lack of gifting does not mean that they aren’t held by the same standard as one who is gifted with leadership.

Upon once again talking lightly about my calling, I found myself feeling oddly alone again. This call is one that is not well received. I keep waiting for it to be and I know in my soul that it won’t be. There won’t suddenly be a purity ministry for me to leap into in a local church and be a part of. There won’t even be a local ministry I start regarding purity that Christians leap on the bandwagon for, waving banners and singing. In fact, I may always be at this alone, just Jesus and I.

The thing of it is, I have to be okay with that. I don’t know why it’s taken me this long to actually grip that reality. How many times has God spoken to me and told me, “I can’t send someone to believe in the call I’ve placed on your life, because then when their belief in it wavers, so will yours,” and “I can’t send someone to walk alongside you unless you’re already walking the path I’ve laid before you.” I just kept waiting for that moment, for that person with a similar call to arrive and be my companion in this journey.

I know now, fully, that that isn’t going to happen, and maybe it never will. That’s fine. The call that God has placed on my life, just as it is with all of us, is unique to the gifts and struggles and life I’ve led thus far. What I need to do is stop excusing myself from stepping fully into it and begin to do all that He has called me to do. He knows where it will go and where it won’t. He knows if there are people that will come alongside me or not. He knows how long it will take and how many battles will be waged before I am ready for the responsibility such a high calling demands.

So, here it is: I am called to Radical Purity. This level of purity is actually what Jesus wants for all of us, however, He will not force it on us. In fact, though I will live out this radical purity, I will not shame anyone or call anyone else to do the same. What, then, is the point? I don’t know. I just know what I’ve been called to and I’m going to do it. In regards to Christians and their reaching for purity in the realm of sexual intimacy, the basic standard is save all sexual things for marriage. If you are doing that, you are spot on. None can argue with the truth of God’s word regarding sexual immorality, fornication and adultery. So, flee from sexual immorality and have not even a hint of it in your life and you’re on the right path to purity that God has for all His children.

I will grow and learn and I will continue to take these steps that make me appear prudish and old fashioned in the eyes of many Christians. If we believe God is unchanging, we must also believe in the safeguards and boundaries He established for us. We can all be like Delilah and live out a wanton and selfish life or we can be like Ruth and be hard-working and pure and not distracted by the possibilities of marriage and love, leaving the pursuit to the men, the asking to the man, the godly manhood part to the man, content to fill our lives as godly women.

Regardless what people want you to believe, Ruth did not initiate the relationship with Boaz. Boaz noticed Ruth, and not because she was wanton and batting her eyelashes at him. She was laboring, knowing full well that she was a Moabite in a Israelite land, that she was unwanted and considered dirt by so many, but that she loved her mother-in-law and that she was the reason Naomi would have a future, because even though there was absolutely no prospect of Ruth ever marrying again, she understood that she was needed by Naomi, to help her be fed and clothed and cared for. Boaz didn’t run up to Ruth and flirt with her, either, but rather asked after her, and her pure reputation, her hard-working spirit and her love for Naomi spoke all that Boaz needed to know of the woman. Even then, he invited her to dinner and they dined together, after he made sure that she was left alone and unharassed and given the opportunity to gather extra leavings. He even gave her some to take home to Naomi. All of the overtures of interest were made on Boaz’s side and it was only upon Naomi seeing the blessing that Ruth was instructed on the customs of the land she was foreign to. She obeyed her mother-in-law. She wasn’t wanton. She wasn’t forward. She wasn’t aggressive. She was obedient and patient and loving.

There is much there in the book of Ruth. I know what God has called me to and I will never be ashamed of it, even when others cannot understand it. And that’s okay. You must know your call in God and be firm in it, so that you can stand when others consider you to be a fool, so you can go forward when no one else believes in you, and so you can be an encouragement to new believers when they, too, face these challenges.

It’s not worth it

Hollywood, family, friends and complete strangers will tell you to do what makes you happy as long as you’re not hurting anyone, but consider the very practical and applicable truth that you could be hurting yourself.

No one wants to tell you how to live…oh, wait, yes they do. Either telling you to do something or not to do something, they’re telling you what to do. Think about it. Wouldn’t you rather have a vivid and beautiful life amidst the cursed chaos of this world? Then follow God’s word.

Do not poison your mind with the compromises of this world. Once you whet an appetite, it grows. You begin to feed it, thinking it’s nothing, but soon you’re spiraling out of control. As Casting Crowns says in their song, “It’s a slow fade.”

Avoid 50 shades of grey at all costs. I was shocked to my core to learn that women in church actually read it during their women’s ministry group times. What!?!?! Danger! Of course, when you find out that one church was offering pole dancing lessons to women if they brought in the mornings pamphlet, then you know there’s grave danger in our churches.

Let’s stand firm and make a covenant with our eyes and minds and emotions to not indulge in lust. The Bible tells us to flee sexual immorality and that no hint of immorality should be in our life as believers. Maybe we should listen, because allowing sexual immorality into our lives is not worth it…even in literature and film formats.

http://themattwalshblog.com/2014/07/25/women-america-4-reasons-hate-50-shades-grey/

http://www.cwives.com/why-you-shouldnt-read-50-shades-of-grey/

It’s bad when you annoy yourself…sometimes

I think I am weary. I try to understand why things are running through my head the way they are, why life seems to be cycling around again, the same mountain, the same lackadaisical mentality, the same procrastination and dragging of feet, and all I can figure out is that I annoy myself.

I don’t relate to a great deal of songs in this modern day excuse for music. Most of it is 5% talent and 95% sex appeal, but Pink has been an artist I have liked for awhile. I am wary of secular singers, as they always have something in one or more of their songs that a child of God shouldn’t be listening to, and Pink is no exception. Though I like her music, I do not listen unchecked to all she does. In the mix, however, there are great songs with powerful messages.

Don’t Let Me Get Me isn’t truly one of those songs, though, unless you can feel her angst. Yeah, don’t let me get me, I’m my own worst enemy, it’s bad when you annoy yourself, so irritating, don’t want to be my friend no more, I want to be somebody else.

Many Christians know from God’s word that we are our own worst enemy. It is our flesh and our sinful natures and what lurks in our black hearts that leads us to rebellious sinful acts against a loving God. Only the most foolish deny this truth and blame their family, friends, society and culture for their actions…or blame habit. I can’t help it, they cry, yet knowing full well that they can. In the moment of temptation, there is always an escape, if we would take it. Then, at the start of rebellion, there is a cry from our soul, STOP, but we plunge ahead anyway, knowing the end result is shame and misery. Then, we blame a movie or a song or a person or a place or, well, something, anything, rather than seeing, yes, it was me. I am my own worst enemy. The devil didn’t make me do it. My mom didn’t make me do it. No one made me do it. I chose to do it. And that simple truth will set you free.

But, I digress. I do that. One of my many talents…or flaws…depending on what side of the digression you happen to be on. The point of this blog entry is not to shame myself or others into taking responsibility for themselves. Rather, it is to look at where I am now and consider the possibility that I am weary.

The Bible tells us to not weary of doing good (Galatians 6:9) and thankfully, that is not the weariness of which I speak. Nope. I am not weary of being a Christian, of doing good, of abstaining from many of the sinful compromises I once indulged in. That is not the weariness that plagues my soul and annoys me to no end. Nope. It is the weariness of me, who I am, the me only God, my mom and I see. And even my mom doesn’t fully see. Just God and I know the darkness in this horrid heart of mine. And it is a foul darkness indeed.

In the moments when a believer finally sees that apart from Jesus, there is truly no good within them, they sit back, wide-eyed and shocked, let the air out of their lungs with a whoosh and say, thank You, Lord, for saving me, and truly, truly, truly mean it. Yes, yes, they may be kind at times or helpful or compassionate or empathetic, but I daresay these all come from Christ, in some way or another, and no one is inherently good, save Christ, of course, and so when you see that, you can understand Paul’s angst and, yes, even Pink’s. Don’t let me get me (Pink). How wretched a sinner I am (Paul – Romans 7:24). I’m my own worst enemy (Pink). Those things I long to do I don’t do and the things I don’t want to do, I do (Paul – Romans 7:15). It’s bad when you annoy yourself…so irritating (Pink). I am the chief of all sinners (Paul – 1 Timothy 1:15). I don’t want to be my friend no more. I want to be somebody else (Pink). Yeah…Paul doesn’t say that part, though, and neither should we, for that is envy and covetousness. Avoid that at all costs. 🙂

Moving on. I am not of the mindset of this present age, the mindset that declares that there is ‘always someone higher up where you can pass the buck’, that you can blame culture and society and too much love or not enough or bullying or ignorance or even insanity to cover your choice of actions and actually receive pity for what you’ve done. That poor old soul, they would say, was just too overwhelmed and this was the only action they could take. Yeah. Right.

So, yes, I’m overwhelmed and my mind races with thousands upon thousands of possible actions, one of which is running away and changing my name, but I choose, instead, to remain and live out this life, part of which is not shining too brightly of late, and do my best to choose to honor God.

In the area of my most atrocious failings to honor Christ, my attitude, however, I find that that is where the weariness lies. I have been saved and delivered from most of the horrid traits I had established over the years, but the weariness in attitude mocks me. Weary. And not really concerned about trying. Not really caring. Detached and pulling away. This would be fine, in this moment, somewhat, considering what is coming, but I don’t just weary and pull away from a potentially painful situation, but all relationships. I think, eh, who cares, really? It isn’t that important, vital or life altering if it doesn’t happen. But it is, you know? And I know that it is because God has called me to it and spoken it and if I don’t do it, that is disobedience and sin. Yes, sin (James 4:17). I can never escape that verse since it was clearly placed in my soul.

So, pressing on is my option, even when I annoy myself. I have no other choice, truly, for I love my Savior and my King and there is no way that I would wave a ‘whatever’ hand His way and watch The Walking Dead while eating popcorn. I just have to press past the weariness, the annoyance, and do what He’s called me to do.

And so I shall…