Can I wake up now?
Wow. It has been such a long time since I’ve really evaluated my life. It is so easy to drift into ‘good enough’. I guess that’s what I did. It wasn’t planned. I just sort of took a walk through the woods one day and ended up asleep far from where Jesus waited for me.
Even now, I can see how He has been leading me to the place that He desires for me to be…the place of total, full, complete surrender. I truly want to lay it all down. Do you realize how wonderful it is to lay everything at His feet and exist for Him alone? That is the purpose of life. Most people wonder why we’re here. We’re here to love and be loved, and in the most marvelous and fulfilling way.
I recall the day that God said, “One day she will give Me everything.” I long for that day. In truth, I do feel like a deer in a dry and thirsty land and I am so hungry and thirsty for that deep intimacy I once knew with God and Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I miss the inspiration that poured from His word as I spent time every day reading it. I miss the powerful worship times that we shared in my room, just Him and I. And so, I’ve come to surrender.
I have been asleep for far too long. And, with a soft sigh and a deep longing in my heart, I ask my Beloved Jesus, “Can I wake up now?”
As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So pants my soul for You, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
While they continually say to me,
“Where is your God?”
When I remember these things,
I pour out my soul within me.
For I used to go with the multitude;
I went with them to the house of God.
With the voice of joy and praise,
With a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast.
Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him
For the help of His countenance.
O my God, my soul is cast down within me;
Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan,
And from the heights of Hermon,
From the Hill Mizar.
Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls;
All Your waves and billows have gone over me.
The Lord will command his lovingkindness in the daytime,
And in the night His song shall be with me -
A prayer to the God of my life.
I will say to God my Rock,
“Why have You forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?”
As with a breaking of my bones,
My enemies reproach me,
While they say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God;
For I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God.
Psalm 42 NKJV
