the Castle in which I live
I find myself seeking more. Not more in the worldly sense or in the realm of material gain, but more in me. I want more than this world has to offer.
Every day that I spend with Jesus Christ is a day of growth and blessing. That is not to say that there aren’t hard days. On Sunday, under the pressure of math, I broke. In the arms of my Beloved Savior, I was healed. It is a wonder that I ever survived without Him.
But that was just it, I guess. I survived. I didn’t live, but rather, I made it through. I can’t understand why people don’t want to surrender to Him and know Him. Is a life out there in the clubs, with the bottle, with the tainted love, with the drugs, better than a life without it? I don’t think so. It isn’t a matter of not wanting to let go of these things. It’s just a matter of where you’re eating, what you’re use to.
I was use to perversion, lying, stealing, and misery. Now, walking with Him, I wouldn’t trade my days with Him for any of those things. Sin satisfied me for a season but soon it was a heavy chain that was wrapped around me, dragging me down under the crashing waves, and making me struggle to survive.
Under my own will and strength, I could not stop what I was doing. There was no way that I could untangle the mess my life had become. But, then, He found me. I was like a lost child that had been beaten and abused by everyone that I went to for help and there He was, so tender, so kind, so in love with me that my mind couldn’t understand what my heart was shouting.
“This is the One you’ve been longing for all along!”
I have fallen many times since the day that I took hold of His extended hand. I am not perfect. However, it is not about perfection but rather it is about direction. And, the direction I am running in is His.
This path through the forest of life is dangerous. Things spring out of the trees without warning, sometimes, leaving me breathless and distraught. But, now, Jesus Christ walks beside me, my strength in times of weakness, my best friend, my everything, comforting, encouraging, loving. He goes before me and makes a way through the woods that did not exist without Him. He goes behind me and makes sure that my past does not overtake me but rather that mercy, goodness, and blessing overtakes me.
I am in the Potter’s hands, a vessel being shaped by the Masterful Creator. In His hands, the forming can sometimes be painful as He works the difficult lumps of clay and smooths all the rough places. Sometimes, it feels as though I’m being pounded back down into workable clay and formed yet again under His smooth and gentle hands.
“What a marvelous substance! At rest, it’s hard and unyielding – but as I work it over with knowledgable hands, it becomes a thing of beauty…” Miss Grundy talking about clay. This is how God sees us as we allow Him the access to move in our lives and work us like clay in His hands.
Being a vessel, I tend to leak. It is due to this that my Beloved’s presence and eagerness to be with me is even more of a blessing than it would be otherwise. He fills me up. I can never run dry so long as I am with Him because He never runs dry. He is the wellspring of living water, pure and refreshing. I love to come into His presence and drink deeply of Him.
Every day He prepares a feast for His people. It is satisfying and fragrant. He sends the invitation to the wedding feast, far more satisfying, but only few arrive. It is His wedding feast that I desire to attend, garbed in bridal rainment, sitting by His side with His banner of love waving high over me.
The wedding feast is wonderful because of the dancing. There is always dancing, always celebration, at the wedding feast of the King of kings. It is there that I twirl about the room in His arms and laugh with pure delight. It is there that I am happiest.
Remembering all that life has thrown at me, I am so glad that I have such a wonderful Man in my life. He is all that I need. I know that He has only the best for me and that He loves me more than I can ever comprehend. It is due to this knowledge that I so desire that all would know Him, all would see Him, all would desire Him. To know Him, really know Him, is to love Him. And, I love Him so much!
Shalom veh Ahava!
“I love You, God – You make me strong. God is bedrock under my feet, the castle in which I live, my rescuing Knight. My God – the high crag where I run for dear life, hiding behind the boulders, safe in the granite hideout. I sing to God, the Praise-Lofty, and find myself safe and saved.”
Psalm 18:1-3 The Message Translation
Leave a Reply