Uh oh…
I’m hungry. I’m feeling the rising up of it. I know I’ve felt it before but now it’s so much harder to supress it…deal with it…no more suppression allowed. But, man, am I hungry.
It starts so simply. I use to allow self-pity and doubt cloud my heart but now that isn’t an option anymore, just like suppression is not an option. So, a couple days ago, when ‘who is he?’ and ‘where is he?’ and ‘when is he going to look into my eyes?’ danced through my mind, I shrugged it off. And therein lies the hunger.
Now, I sit here desiring. It is such a simple desire, isn’t it? One that people have fulfilled daily and miss the wonder of it. A desire to be loved by him. Someday, someday soon (hopefully) I will meet him. There is the fear of that as well but today, as hunger creeps through my veins and makes it extremely hard to concentrate, I figure I should take a moment to muse, ponder, deal with, and move on.
I’m hungry.
As I’ve said before in other blogs, I use to press this longing down deep within me, termed it as ‘lust’ and therefore unclean and sinful and went on to declare that I had no wish to meet this man or marry him, ultimately. This, of course, was completely untrue. It was not lust, it was a simple, pure longing for something beautiful. It was not unclean nor was it sinful, though, if allowed to run rampant through my mind and heart, it could certainly be deemed so. I truly do desire to be loved and held by my husband one day. So, my defenses against this hunger have vanished like smoke.
And now I’m hungry.
What will his kiss feel like when he kisses me for the first time after we say ‘I do’? What will he sound like when he wakes in the morning? What will our pet names for each other be? Will we call each other multiple times during the day? What cologne will he wear? What books will he read? Will he be artistic? Will he be tender? How will we meet? What will it feel like to fall in love and know that he has fallen in love as well? How much longer will I be waiting before God brings him to me?
As I sit here and wonder these things, I know that Jesus will be my strength through all of it. And, someday, I will look up and there will be the answer to all my questions and my battle will be a completely different one. 
Until that day, dearest…I will wait for you. Wait, love, for me.
UPDATE: Jesus is amazing! A few moments, laying in His arms, seeking His face, desiring His kiss, and hungers are satisfied! He is so wonderful to me! I adore Him!!
Kiss me – full on the mouth! Yes! For Your love is better than wine, headier than your aromatic oils. The syllables of Your name murmur like a meadow brook. No wonder everyone loves to say Your name!
Song of Solomon (Songs) 1:2-3 The Message Translation
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