Dawning Hope

It has been awhile since I’ve been focused on God. We, as humans, tend to lean onto the staff and rest and stare off at the horizon in a distracted, thoughtful kind of way and forget the One that walked with us the whole way, carried us when we were too tired to go on, corrected us when we strayed and loved us through it all, good times and bad. It’s not that we’ve left Him and His will but more likely we’ve been distracted, distant.

I have desired a rekindling of my love for Him, passionate and deep, but it was a struggle at times to worship and temptation dared me to miss ‘just one prayer night’ just because I didn’t ‘feel’ like going. I pressed through it but my worship lacked passion and depth.

Then He touched me.

How is it possible that we can forget how it feels to be touched by Him? Nothing in this world even comes close to satisfying as one touch of His hand, one word from His mouth, one breath from Him, does! You become caught up in the wonder of the Creator of all to be focused on you, loving you, watching you, speaking to you, moving in you, saving you. And you remember that you have tasted and seen His goodness, that you have sat at the banqueting table with His banner of love high above you, that you have sat in His shade and savored His love, that His words were kisses and His kisses words to you.

I recall that line from the Bon Jovi song that God used to speak to me so long ago. You use to live to say you love Me, now you’ve got one foot out the door. I don’t want to live my life with one foot out the door, with one part of my heart and mind intent on Him while the rest of me is off somewhere else. I want to surrender everything to Him and hold nothing back at all.

The joy lies in the fact that He is not changing my personality, what makes me who I am, but is changing the foul darkness within my heart, the very things that destroy and drive me to despair. He is granting me peace in times of turmoil, hope in times of despair, beauty among the ashes, life among the dead. Can I ever sing the songs loud enough or worship boldly enough to express what a wonder He is? Doubtful but I’m willing to try!

One thing I’ve noticed since Sunday, when His touch rekindled my desire, is that hope springs eternal within me. I can see the errors I’ve made and currently make, but I believe, with all that I am, that He will make it all right again. He has promised me that I will be free of the things that have held me in their sway for most of my life and I believe, oh how I believe, that ever word my Beloved speaks is true and will be seen in my lifetime.

So, I walk through my days with hope bringing lightness to my steps. I can see the dawn and I know that God is bringing me to the place He wants me to go and I have complete confidence in Jesus Christ and His wisdom and love and care for me.

What a difference a touch makes when the One that touches you is yours.

My Dark Elf

What Has Been

It has been two or so months since I discovered the lie buried deep within. Since then, rejection has been revealed to be protection and I have seen my share of flirts on-line. I have dabbled in personal sites and the like and have found that, as one might surely guess, there is no match to be made there for one like me.

One would say I’m picky. I am relieved to be labelled so. This is the most important decision of my life, secondary only to serving Jesus Christ. The fact that marriage is His will for my life makes it even more vital. How am I supposed to make the right choice? By letting Him make it for me.

So, I’m lonely. I won’t deny that. I, too, long to be courted and to feel desired. I won’t lie anymore about that. This fact has made the rejection of late, the ignoring of men to look at the far more desirable, a lot harder to take. This I too shall admit. It was only recently that God showed me the truth. That I wasn’t rejected, I was protected. The reason men don’t fall at my feet has little to do with my looks and a lot to do with God, His protection and will making me off limits to most.

Sadly, sometimes I succumb to the desire to be in a relationship. It is in those times that I turn to the sites rather than to my Beloved and I find no satisfaction there. The prospect of actually meeting one of these flirting men frightens me even as it excites me. I don’t know why this is…it just is. The prospect of being kissed by a man thrills me even as I know that that intimacy should only be shared on the wedding day. I don’t want it cheaply.

That’s the simple fact, I guess. I don’t want it cheaply. I don’t want romance that doesn’t cost me anything. And by this I don’t mean my virginity or my morals. I want the lasting romance, the one that begins and flourishes, becomes deeper still after ‘I Do’ is said. I want the one that I kiss and that pursues me to be the one, the only one. And God is responsible for this.

Pastor has spoken on reaping and sowing. He says to sow into the area where you have the most need. I asked a friend, “How do you sow into a man?” I knew that flirting and the like wasn’t the answer. I had thought it in my head, of course, before asking a friend and God’s answer was quick and clear.

“Sow into Me.”

Of course. If I want God to bring me a man after His own heart, shouldn’t I be a woman after His own heart? Shouldn’t I be seeking the One that satisfies every need and desire in my heart? Shouldn’t I be seeking the One that knows every little dark and light thing about me, all the good and bad, and loves me anyway? Shouldn’t I be seeking the One who has sought me all these years and kept me as He has?

When I got off the path of being His beloved in every way I don’t know. But I want to be that. I do. I want to be His completely and be satisfied in Him, waiting for His plan, trusting in His timing and His will. He never lies and He has promised me that He would bring the man to me. I won’t have been cheapened by dating and partner hopping, I won’t have STD’s or fears of them, I won’t have children from different fathers. I will have things to deal with from my past, as we all do, but I won’t have added baggage to the already oversize load.

Cheers!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Regard
Esteem
Significant
Protect
Exalt
Consider
Treasure

Respect is defined as esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability; deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment; the condition of being esteemed or honored; to show regard or consideration for.

Respect is about listening to others, being helpful, avoiding put-downs, and not blaming others for our own behavior.

How many believe respect is earned? How many want respect? How many insist on it? In what areas do you take the hardest hits when it comes to respect? Who do you feel doesn’t respect you? Who do you not respect? Why do you think others don’t respect you and why do you think certain people aren’t worthy of respect?

I stare at the past steps of my life and I see how I disrespected my parents and teachers and friends and pastors in my life. I see it and I acknowledge the fact that I am the common denominator in all these problems. What does that mean? Well, to put it simply, if you date seven people and every single one of them breaks up with you, claiming, “It’s not you, it’s me,” well, the common denominator in all those situations was you. You, therefore, are obviously the problem.

How easy it is for us to blame others, seeing the “speck” in their eye while ignoring the “plank” in our own. And to what end?

In light of recent events, I once again acknowledge that false harmony is not worth the effort. Might as well have an all out argument than walk on eggshells and wonder and worry and feel like a prisoner. That, however, is how we lived in the last many months.

Somehow, parties involved refuse to acknowledge the respect due parents. I don’t mean parents in general, i.e., just because you, too, have a child doesn’t mean that your own parents should bow down to you. Honor thy father and mother. That is what the Bible says. And, lo and behold, there is a period at the end of the sentence, not an ‘unless’ or ‘if’ or ‘as long as’ or any other clause to get you out of it. HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER. Honor them. Respect them. No exceptions.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T is to be given and then received, not the other way around. Sow and you shall reap. You want respect? Sow respect and you will reap a harvest of respect in due time. Give respect and then you will understand and see exactly what it means and feels like to respect and be respected.

We all need somebody to lean on

Yesterday, I had an epiphony.

As I was spending time with some women from the church, I invited them to share what God was doing in their individual lives at that moment. The first woman to share was listened to intensely. The silence was absolute as she shared God’s work in her circumstances, life and health. Then, we spoke about random other things.

Eventually, I was able to move on to the second woman. As she shared, the silence wasn’t so absolute. She was interrupted a few times (I was guilty of a time or two) and we had to keep steering the boat back on course. Ultimately, after a long time due to our comments and such things, she completed her statements and I moved on to the next one.

No one listened to her at first. Only I tuned into her words as others talked to each other and began cleaning up the plates from our feast. I could feel the pain in her words as she spoke of failings and stumblings that had happened recently and due to my recent face-plants, I completely understood the pain she was feeling. Yet, business as usual was occurring all around us.

Eventually, others began to listen. Where once there were five women, now there were three as the two others did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. I was annoyed with this lack of concern. I was annoyed because I knew that the woman talking struggled with feeling important and that what she needed was solid, Christian relationships and that the actions of the others were closing her off to that, at least in that moment.

Ultimately, all were back and helping with advice but they had missed the earlier words of the woman, the earlier pleas for understanding and somebody to lean on.

I know that the women that were distracted and drawn away did not do so because they didn’t care. I believe that they didn’t realize how it felt or appeared to others. It gave off an air of unconcern. I was rather disheartened by it because I have been on the other side. A lot of people don’t realize how vital human contact is.

Sharing the Good News with each other is what makes Christian relationships so special. In those moments, you can honestly say what God is doing in your life without wondering what the others are thinking. Why? Because they have relationships with God as well and can fully understand and value what is being revealed to you.

So here is what I say. Be aware. Be aware of those around you. Seek out those people that haven’t sought you out. Be friends with the person that sits alone in the back row pew. Show others their value as Jesus Christ has shown you yours. Love them, help them, hear them, laugh with them. Go out for coffee or to the park or to a play. Find common interests and spend some time getting to know others.

This weekend, we are going to spend the night in a nearby town after watching the firework display. Saturday, we are going to spend the day shopping and hanging out, eating lunch at a fun Brazilian restaurant, and maybe playing some miniature golf. And in this there will be many new relationships formed and old ones strengthened.

If everyone reached out to each other, there would be no lack of feeling welcome, wanted, loved and needed because everyone would be reaching out to someone.

And the reason to do all this is so simple: WE ALL NEED SOMEBODY TO LEAN ON

Dark Lessons

What I fail to understand is how I can constantly fail in the dredges of Egypt when I’ve been to the wedding feast of the King just hours before.

Last night I saw a great deal about myself and the darkness that lingers and clings to me despite my intentions and efforts to be completely free. In this darkness, I felt the violation far deeper than I have ever felt it before. I repented and didn’t feel forgiven. I slept for two and half hours or so, woke repenting and still didn’t feel the forgiveness of God wash over me. I prayed for a long while this morning, knowing that I am, indeed, forgiven but wanting more. What is it I want? Freedom.

Jesus Christ paid the ransom for me, the ransom I could not pay. He purchased me off the slave block of my sin and broke the chains that bound me. Willingly I return to bondage. Many events lead up to the situation but it all begins with compromise and excuse. I want my repentance to be genuine. I want to turn completely from this sin and be delivered and never have it darken my door again. And it is possible.

Yet, I waver.

And so I asked God about it this morning. I spoke of the violation I felt and apologized and pleaded and told Him that I wanted to be free forever. He had promised me this in my anger bout and so I know that it is possible. As I sought and prayed, many things were revealed to me.

1. Turn to God
In times when you are tempted and life seems unbearable and the moment of instant gratification or short-term forgetfulness seem to overwhelm logic and common sense, that is the time to turn to God and seek Him with praise and prayer, read His word and discover all that He has to offer in those moments of weakness. We all have them. I’ve seemed to have them a great deal of late. And, I have not, in those moments, done this.

2. Establish boundaries
It is the time for me to take boundaries seriously in my life and to establish them with the intent to stay within them no matter what. This brought to mind King Solomon and the boundaries he established for Shimei to remain within the borders of Jerusalem. When three years had passed, two slaves fled from Shimei to the land of Gath and Shimei saddled his donkey and pursued them and brought them back. In so doing, he was killed by Solomon for crossing the borders they had both agreed upon. (1 Kings 2:36-46) The time has come to establish borders that I will not cross solely due to the death that awaits upon doing so.

I am ready and willing to be all that God has called me to be and I am desiring to draw nearer to Him. I want to know Jesus Christ more and more and I don’t want to have anything else before Him ever or in any area. Lord Jesus, help me to be all that You desire for me to be and create in me a clean heart, renew a right spirit within me, and I will be Yours all the days of my life.

It never occurred to me…

To think that many men don’t enter into a full love relationship with Jesus because Satan has managed to lie to them about masculinity. I declare that loving Jesus is not immasculating.

Many great men of history loved God and Jesus unashamedly. David, my favorite, danced in the presence of the lord with abandon I challenge myself to feel. My throughs follow the king, ruddy and desirable, strong and mighty, slayer of giants, who was completely sold ot to God and His plan, was a man after His own heart and loved Him openly and boldly.

Yes, David made mistakes. Everyone does. But nothing in his life, even his love for Jonathan and Jonathan’s recipricol love for David, immasculates him. Where are our king David’s of today?

My desire is for the man I marry to be in love with Jesus more than he is in love with me. Nothing else will do. To me, nothing is more attractive than a man completely and unashamedly God’s, surrendered and in love with Him boldy and openly.

Only in loving Him completely can one understand what pure love really feels like and what it looks like and how it is expressed.

Tell me, ladies, which appeals more to your heart: a man so worried about being macho and masculine that you rarely ever see his heart and his love is grudgingly dragged out or a man who loves to love and be loved and who learns from the ultimate and best lover just what it means to love and lets you know your worth?

I’ll take the man madly in love with Jesus over any other man any day.

How would you react?

“You’re perfect!” he said passionately.

“Yeah, right,” she scoffed. She knew her flaws, knew she was far from perfect, far from beautiful.

“You’re perfect to me. Just as I’d always envisioned you. Absolutely flawless.” he pressed.

Wouldn’t it leave you breathless if you could, for one moment, leave jaded pain behind and accept it? Wouldn’t light and beauty and love from the purest source engulf you? And, in that moment, when you choose to believe that deep love exists in your life, wouldn’t nothing else matter?

How would I react? How would you?

Can I see? Yes, He says it to me constantly. Teach me, Beloved, to receive and believe Your love is unconditional and mine to possess.

June 12, 2008

Beloved Happenings

I’ve been thinking a lot lately. That’s huge! LOL.

So, I’ve been changing recently, too. It seems as though things are moving at a fast pace, really fast, sometimes I feel like it’s all a blur. Thankfully, the changes are all good.

Primarily, the largest change is in how I handle my money. Linked to this is, of course, the promises of my Beloved that once I am a faithful steward and my debt is eliminated, then things will come to pass that were promised long ago. Those of you that know me would be surprised to discover that I’m actually following a budget! My goodness. It’s working out rather well, though I stumbled the first month or so horribly. Now, however, it is as if the noise of this world has been lowered and I can actually hear God’s voice quite clearly and the difficult choices of the past are no longer as difficult.

I am also working on a savings account. That, in itself, is a large accomplishment. Though, foolishness running through my veins as it does, I basically had to start from scratch with the first check of this month but God blessed me so that I was able to do so, even with my vehicle registration due and a red light ticket received.

Also, it was revealed to me that I was tithing incorrectly. Yeah. I’m not going to go into details here but suffice it to say that it was quite a shock for me to discover that I had not been tithing right. Weird. But, how merciful and wonderful is our God! He revealed this to me when He knew that I would receive it and He didn’t do so in a condeming way. I don’t feel that He is angry or upset with me in any way and, of course, I obeyed the command of His voice and am on the right track at last. Suffice it to say that a tenth is the Lords and offerings besides, period.

I am starting school in the fall. I was able to bypass English 109 completely (yay!!) and will be taking English 111. I also discovered, much to my eternal delight, that I was not in Math 101 as I believed but in Math 102 (double yay!!). I will also be taking Public Speaking on Saturdays from 8 to 5 for nine Saturdays starting in September. This is huge, you realize. I doubted that I would ever be able to return to college, especially this soon. And what am I pursuing, you ask? Psychology.

God revealed to me that I had been lying to Him for years. There was a sermon where Pastor was preaching about lying to God and I went to the altar and asked, “Do I ever lie to You?”

“You lie to Me all the time,” He replied lovingly.

“What?!?!” Yeah, I really was shocked. What could He possibly be talking about? How could I be lying to Him all the time? That made no sense.

He basically revealed to me that I lied because I denied the natural desire to be courted and to marry. I acted as though my longing for this was a sin and I would literally repent whenever it crossed my mind. Therefore, every time I suppressed this desire and repented and denied that I longed for it, I was lying to God and to myself. Then, upon further discussion (with beautiful Jessica, one of my dearest friends and greatest blessings) I realized that I was afraid.

A few months ago, God revealed to me the voice of fear. I recognize it now as it is spoken from others and my own self into my life. Immediately upon hearing the voice of fear, I rebuke it and I give it no access in my life. It amazes me how subtle fear is. It creeps in under suggestion of dire events and lodges itself within you until it is an encompassing fear that weakens you in times of warfare. So, to discover that fear had corded its way into my heart was a shock on top of a shock.

And the fear? That this man God promised me didn’t actually exist in the world and if he did in fact exist, that he would never desire me.

Then there was Phillip. Now, Phillip is not ‘the one’ or anything. He is not even known to me, in truth. But, he is very handsome, has the long hair I so crave (oddly) and beautiful light eyes and full lips and a great smile and the deep voice that could read you to sleep at night (sigh). Now, I avoided him like the plague the first day I ever saw him. Two weeks later, the Tuesday after the Sunday where I discovered my fear and the lying, I was forced to be before him the whole time he was here. That was when I discovered a startling truth.

I was listening to praise music and in my mind I thought, he’s going to wonder what I’m listening to and be totally turned off because I’m a Christian.

“What are you listening to?” he asked, his face wrinkled up as he leaned on my counter. I was flustered for I had just thought the above thought and it was extremely strange.

“Uh, I don’t know, it’s some Christian station, 98.7 or something, on my Windows player.” I fumbled nervously.

“88.3 is better,” he said and the surprise increased.

I looked up at him and said, “I know,” I didn’t, by the way, since I stopped listening to that station long ago. “But I can’t get it in here…can I?” I asked.

He nodded his head slowly (can you see how flustered this conversation was making me? My cool quotiant left completely!) and said, “M88.org.”

Sandra walked up and asked, “What kind of music is that?”

“Jesus music, man!” he stated loudly with a fist in the air ( I may have imagined the fist…more dramatic that way).

After he left, I said, “That was God’s sense of humor.” In truth, it was God’s affirmation that He is God and nothing, nothing, nothing is impossible for Him, even a long-haired, attractive Christian man in Santa Fe. And, I didn’t go anywhere to find him…he showed up where I was. Yet again, allow me to reiterate that Phillip is not the one…I’m just revealing the wonder of God’s mercy and the lengths He goes to to reassure the fearful.

Two weeks later, we discovered his name was Phillip. That, in itself, is big because those of you who know me know that I never ask the name of guys I find attrative and, therefore, am forced to make up a name. Let’s ignore the fact that Sandi asked his name, not I, but still the name was discovered.

After the reassurance comes the plague of my own self image. And what did God tell me when I struggled with the fact that I am overweight? What does a man say after years of marriage as to why he fell in love? He doesn’t say ’she had an awesome body’, rather he says ‘her eyes captured me and I fell in love with her laugh and her personality was amazing.

Only the shallow look at the outward shell. Now, I realize that attraction to the person is key, but what captivates me (after the long hair, of course) is the smile and the eyes and the voice and then, as they talk, the personality shines through and nothing else truly matters.

Though God reassured me (yet again) in this area, I still struggled. Then came the compliments the last week or so. I was wearing the black wig and Lisa came up to me and said, “I asked if you had cut and dyed your hair and she said, no, it’s a wig and I replied, Julie’s so beautiful that she can get away with anything.” I thanked her, embarrassed, and reassured her that it was, in fact, a wig. I had worn it to work all day and had been complimented on it all day long. Then, Tuesday night, Loretta asked me, “Do you work with a lot of men?”

“What?” I asked her.

“Are there a lot of men that work in your office?” she asked.

“She works at the *blah* so there’s nothing but men, pretty much,” my mom said (did you really think I was going to put where I work in here? LOL).

“Oh. So do they flirt with you all the time?” Loretta asked and I was taken aback.

“No,” I said, truthfully. “No one flirts with me at all.”

“Oh.” she said. “You’re just so beautiful and you have a glow about you so I thought that they wouldn’t leave you alone for a minute there.”

I was literally shocked. Beautiful? Me? And so, in the subtle ways of my Beloved, I was moved to a new level. And what is that level? God revealed to me that He has fenced me in, preserved me, as His beautiful treasure, the one that He will give to a man He has chosen and groomed to be my husband, just as He has groomed me to be his bride. And, I tell you now, I will wait on God’s timing even as I long for my eyes to meet those of the one He has prepared just for me.

There is so much more that He is doing, strengthening relationships and teaching me a great deal about stewardship. As Cathy D. pointed out, “You realize He’s doing all this for you, right? All of us are receiving from it but the reason He did this is for you.”

How precious He makes me feel, this wonderful Lover of mine! He delights and thrills me through and through. And, just so you know, I didn’t intend for this blog to be about this but how can I not talk about Him? He is so good to me! It is beyond description the wonder of His love, grace, mercy, peace, joy, presence, blessing, light, life, satisfaction and contentment permeating my life just because He loves me!

Overcoming Negative Circumstances

I received a Red Light violation last night a block from my home.

In the course of minutes I spiralled into depression and despair with anger right on their heels. I tried to mentally overcome it, knowing that I did, in fact, deserve said violation and that I had, of late, been driving quite recklessly. However, depressed and angry I became any way.

There is a great deal to this but I’m not going to delve into it. What I am going to look at is the fact that bad circumstances come to us all and how we should overcome them.

The only way to overcome negative, trying, dark, hard circumstances is to look to Jesus. It is so simple in its logic. Jesus, the Lover of our souls, He who sees and knows all and is ALWAYS in control. Why would we not look to Him in times of circumstances that are far from joyous? Because negativity has a way of turning us inward, into ourselves and all that we are not and all the ways that our lives are ‘bad’.

I did this. Currently I struggle through things that God has spoken to me in the last few weeks. As I try to become all that He has for me to become, I find the road long and shadowed, though His light outshines the darkness and His strong arms support me as I stumble. I have noticed that He never rebukes me in a harsh voice but rather with love-coated words which have a much greater affect. I long to be all that He has called me to be and to do all that He has planned for me to do. Right now, however, ticket included, I feel so very far from the mark.

Thankfully, our salvation doesn’t rest on our feelings. Rather, our salvation is found solely in the mercy, grace and love of our Father and Jesus Christ. Therefore, rejoice!

The dark storm clouds have gathered on the horizon? Rejoice! I would hurry to my place of shelter, far from the tempest and storm. PSALM 55:8 NIV

The enemies beat at your gates and seek your downfall at every turn? Rejoice! I will be glad and rejoice in Your love, because You saw my suffering; You knew my troubles. You have not handed me over to my enemies but have set me in a safe place. PSALM 31:7-8 NCV

Regardless of your circumstances, Jesus is right there to hold you and help you. So, lifting our voices and praising Him, lifting our eyes to His face and seeing the love He holds for us, deep, unending love, will lighten even the heaviest of hearts.

Through this life, hard circumstances will come. Our response will establish our victory, however, for the one you bow down to is the one who permeates your life. Will you bow down to the circumstance or to the Savior?

INTO THE BAG:

I have a bag of promises given to me by my Beloved. How long I have forsaken this bag. Today, however, longing filled my heart and I retrieved the bag and dumped out the stones and the promises. Here are some of them:

7-12-07: I will rest in my Beloved’s arms for “I’m where I belong when I rest in Your arms”.

8-2-07: You don’t have to be worthy. You don’t have to be anything but willing to fall into His arms.

7-31-07: I am not forgotten, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, never forsaken!

7-5-07: “If you really love Me, won’t you tell Me?”

7-31-07: “It’s for My glory.” All things are possible for You.

7-26-07: My Beloved sings over me! Zephaniah 3:17

7-16-07: God is in control.

8-2-07: You saved me, You forgave me and now I believe, I belong to the King of kings.

You are my Father and I love You.

I have not added anything to it in many, many months. I have decided, however, to begin to add to the bag the promises of my Beloved as He speaks them to me. Allow me to encourage you to start your own bag of promises. May I also recommend that you read Hinds’ Feet On High Places by Hannah Hurnard to fully understand the bag and the stones and to see the love of the Beloved Shepherd for His little ones, even those crippled and terrified.

Here is the first of many new promises that I am adding to the bag beginning today:

Give your worries to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will never let good people down. PSALM 55:22 NCV

Distraction

I told God to tell me what’s wrong, seeing as I don’t feel His presence today. Worship and prayer were hard on my own and slightly dejected, I headed to prayer. I am not content to play games and be religious or lukewarm so when I feel as though I could easily go that way, I seek God to reveal the truth to me. What is wrong?

You know what’s wrong.

Anime. No…I don’t think that’s it.

You know that’s it. I don’t mind the reading but you forsake all else to watch this anime, even planning on doing so when you get home. There is so much more you can do.

The Silken Flame: the bride of the King.

Why don’t you stop?

I don’t know…it’s like an addiction.

Like soap operas are an addiction.

Yes.

Just stop.

…okay. I need Your help.*

So, yes, I know what’s wrong. Now, to go sever the ties, delete the downloads and leave anime shows behind once more.

Because, truly, do I love my Beloved or Anime more? Time to let my actions speak for my heart.

*No quotation marks due to me not remembering the conversation exactly and not wanting to write words as God’s that He didn’t actually speak.

May 29, 2008